In what many believe is the holy grail of chick flicks, “He’s just not that into you”, Justin Long, wise sage that he is, sheds some light on what many girls would tell you is the most important aspect of any relationship,
“Guys invented the “spark” so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they’re throwing at you is actually, just a “spark”. And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.”
Drama. This is unfortunately one of the more common words in any girl’s vocabulary. We throw it around everywhere, “My mom is so dramatic”, “ So much drama that night”, “I’m better friends with guys because girls just want to cause drama”…to name a few. Snooki and JWoww don’t go to club clutch to get away from SAMI and her drama, but there is no question that drama is what keeps Jersey shore going strong. Is the same true of relationships?
But Justin Long’s point makes me wonder, even though we act like we run from drama, are we really just addicted to it? Is it something that we have come to rely on to define the validity of, not only our friendships, but our relationships as well? Has drama become a necessary part of sustaining a relationship?
Please excuse my annoying rhetorical questions a la Carrie Bradshaw- I promise you will not see one pun in this article-but I must continue…
Is it the “spark” or is it the drama, that keeps the relationship going? Are they simply one and the same?
At the beginning of a relationship, or that awkward hook-up that seems to encompass this phase in college, it seems that it is the uncertainty, that rush to keep our phones glued to our hands waiting for an elusive text message that may or may not come, going out at night wondering if you will see him and he’ll tell you how he really feels. It’s during this time as we stir in our neuroses, and drive ourselves crazy with anticipation and anxiety, that we know for certain that there is a “spark”.
And then when we are past that and into our full blown relationships we keep the spark going in different ways. One person is angry, upset, or hurting, one is afraid of losing the other. There can be jealousy on both ends and the sad realization that even though you are in a healthy relationship, you both are human, and will sometimes be tempted by that always lingering option of something else. We start to fight stupid fights, to hold on to each other. And that’s usually where the drama comes in.
Because in a 2 year relationship just like that moment after the first kiss, we are always fighting to keep it alive- to keep it going and real. And that threat that we might lose it, that drama, that “spark” that tells us we don’t want to be without another person, is what keeps us fighting for each other.
So maybe we all thrive on the drama, Justin Long, but if you ask me I wouldn’t have it another way. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship, if it wasn’t at least worth the drama of fighting for it.
